Never get involved in a land war in Latin America either.

Jared here. A club mix. With dancing women over it. I’d sue the bastards, but damned if it doesn’t somehow feel truer than my original acoustic version.

Jared here. I figured out what a hypothetical pastry expense is, and no I won’t tell you because it’s like Tubgirl to the factor of 2 Girls One Cup times Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Oh god, if I say that does that mean we’re sponsored by them now? I hope not. Unless they pay as much as the price of a fleet of Smart Cars. WHY DID HE GET US FIVE SMART CARS?

Having shut him up, I resumed the Sudoku. Many fine Sudoku have been completed in a cafe. People like to say Sudoku. Say it with me. Sudoku. Sudoku. Roll it around until it sounds like a sushi roll. Like a fish. I’ll have the Sudoku. One Sudoku Nigiri. It’s not racist, it’s Japanese.

The strip club does have a buffet, but we figured we shouldn’t tempt fate, since we’d already cheated the odds on hepatitis.

Oh look! It is as if Digg itself sponsored this video and not as if we stole a wallpaper image from a DeviantArt site! Are we suggesting that you, precious viewer, submit this video to Digg.com and thereby ruin the show with an influx of irony-deficient webtards? Never! We’d never buy cheap fleeting attention at the expense of our — Jesus Christ, that’s our TOTAL view count? That’s barely even a number. DIGG THIS CLIP YOU BASTARD PEOPLE.

I just did MOMA in twenty minutes. Now I’m off to see a Philip Glass concert at 32x speed before my daily session of yoga-in-a-jiffy.

How callous was my heart before
I met an angel named Lenore
Actually she’s named Shontay
She’s pretty hot stuff either way.

Gee, Nick, thanks for posting this! No, honestly. Seeeeeriously. But seriously. Not. Not not. I was kidding. About “Not.” About it being true. PSYCH

Nick gained plenty of executive experience as assistant manager at a now-closed Starbucks.